On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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