You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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