Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
