make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
