He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
