You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
