Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize