im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
