i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
