So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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