My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
