I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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