I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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