Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
