Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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