When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
