im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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