Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
