This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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