Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
