Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
