bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
