Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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