i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
