they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
