when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
