singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
