peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
