so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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