well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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