Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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