I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
