So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
handjob tips. give me some.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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