airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I supernannyed him into submission
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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