Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
