Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
