omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
