marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
