Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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