There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
