my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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