Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
