Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
