don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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