Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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