Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
