Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
