it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
