You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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