and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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