I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
