It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
