Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
