I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
