I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
