Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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