Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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