What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you win again, gameday.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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