He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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