Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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