I just found puke in my bra..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
