Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
