you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
