Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
